The Only Winner Here
by Psyga315
Summary: Midori is just your average kid with an average life when suddenly he ends up becoming self-inserted into the world of Remnant like everyone else these days. Now he has to endure difficult tasks such as forming a harem and asking Ruby to prom! Will he be able to save Beacon? Of course not, because we need to also do Volumes 4 and 5, after all! But will he get the girl? Crackfic.
1. I ENTERED A NEW WORLD!

[Author's Note: Welp, might as well make my own RWBY/Kamen Rider SI.]

* * *

It was an ordinary day like any other. Yes, a very ordinary, plain day. The hero of this tale… Mmm… Let's just call him… Midori… Yeah. _Midori_ was just walking down the street when suddenly…

 **SKREEEEEEEEEE!**

It's our old pal, Truck-kun, here to take our hero to _another dimension!_ … No, I literally mean he's going to another world. What? You think I'm 4kids or something? You think I'm sugarcoating this bullshit? No, you look here.

 **SPLAT!**

Midori "carelessly" wandered onto the street and got flattened by a truck. He died instantly. Life just faded away from his eyes… Fleeting, passing…

Gone…

* * *

" _Legends… Stories scattered-_ "

Uuuh, what are you doing?

" _Narrating the history of Remnant._ "

Yeah, I know. Why are you doing it though? Everyone knows about it by now and if not, they can just watch RWBY for free on Youtube.

" _… Will you let me do my speech?_ "

No! How about we rip off a _different_ anime!

* * *

"PFFFFFFT AHAHAHAHAHA! You got hit by a truck!" Laughed the blue-haired bitch with a silly ponytail. Midori looked around and wondered what he was doing in this checkerboard afterlife. "But, yeah, seriously, don't go to heaven. You can't masturbate there."

"Why would I want to?" Midori shrugged.

No! You're a pervy man, Midori! You want to get a raging stiffy and earn a harem!

"No, I don't!"

"Um, hey, Aqua, if you're not gonna take him," said a big-breasted, red haired devil woman, "I have a shit ton of pawn chess pieces to shove in his body," she then hefted a huge bag as a few pawn pieces fall from it.

"Oh, go to hell, Rias! I called dibs!" Aqua barked.

"Five million." A third party entered the fray. A robed giant whose face was covered in a red cloth. "… Wait, this _is_ the auction house, right?" The two girls looked at him and shook their heads. "… Crap." And with that, he ran off.

Alright, screw these dated methods of displacing our hero into an Isekai. Let's just do what Re:Zero did and plop him in Remnant with zero explanation.

"Wait, what?"

* * *

"Do you know how hard it is to find-"

Suddenly, a boy with short brown hair and wearing a bloodied shirt and jeans popped into the dust shop, scaring Roman.

"What the shit!?" Roman whacked the boy with his cane.

"O-ow! Stop it!" Midori spoke out.

"YES! GIVE INTO ZETSUBOU DA AND BECOME A FANTAMU!" A minotaur monster appeared out of-

Oh, who am I kidding, nobody watches Wizard. Let's see… What Kamen Rider should I fuse this show with… Oh! How about Build?

" _But Build isn't finished yet._ "

Shit! Kuuga?

" _Too old._ "

Ghost!

" _Too boring._ "

Gaim?

" _Too overrated._ "

Ryuki!

" _Madoka ripoff._ "

What the shi- Fine, Hibiki!

" _What? You mean Symphogear?_ "

N-no, I mean… Uuuuuuuuugh fuck it, Ex-Aid.

Suddenly a Gashat appeared in Midori's hands. It was the one of a kind Kamen Rider Chronicle Admin's Gashat that Masamune Dan had! And in his other hand was his Buggle Driver Zwei!

" **Bewaaaaaare… I haunt the Driver…** " Masamune's voice echoed from-

Eeeeh, no. That concept's done already.

" **B-but-** "

Masamune doesn't haunt the Driver. It's just a normal Buggle Driver… But black and red because shut up. Midori slapped on the Driver.

"B-but I don't know how to fight!"

But inside, he had a fighting spirit, an inner desire to live out his power fantasy and become the most powerful Rider next to Kiwami!Gaim.

"I think using this is dangerous-"

 ** _HE SLAPPED ON THE MOTHERFUCKING DRIVER, ACTIVATED THE DENSETSU KAMEN RIDER CHRONICLE DELUXE ADMIN GASHAT AND HE HENSHINED!_**

"O-okay! H-henshin!"

 **GASHAT!**

Suddenly Midori disappeared into orange pixels… Shit.

 **GAME OVER!**

Forgot the Buggle Driver Zwei did that to non-Bugsters. Erm… Omega 13?

 **Thirteen seconds earlier…**

So, after writing in the detail that he had spent the last sixteen years building up an immunity to his Bugster DNA, Midori was finally able to transform.

"O-okay…" Midori looked at his opponent, a now bored Roman Torchwick as a goon was kicked out the window. "Henshin!"

 **GASHAT!**

* * *

 **SLAM!**

Midori sat in a dark room next to Ruby Rose-

"H-hey! What the hell?!"

I just realized that I can't write fight scenes for shit. But that's okay, there's not that many fight scenes in RWBY nowadays, so if RWBY is deciding not to bother, why should I.

"B-but people will be very disappointed. They probably read Kamen Rider fanfics for the action and probably love RWBY crossovers because it shows how Kamen Rider can fare against Huntsmen and-"

Okay, look, there's only _one_ thing that matters in these Kamen Rider/RWBY SIs. You see that QT next to you?

Midori looked to the side and saw the most adorable black-haired girl who had shimmering silver eyes-

"Dude, I think she's like, 15."

 ** _YOU WILL MAKE OUT WITH RUBY ROSE AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!_**

"But, I'm like… ten years _older_!"

"Dude, I'm a _thousand_ years older _and_ I'm gonna bodyjack a boy who's gonna be two years younger than Ruby. And people _ship me with her_." Suddenly, Ozpin waltzes into the interrogation room.

"But I haven't had any time to speak!"

Sorry Glynda, but your actress burned her bridges with Rooster Teeth via Twitter and so now you're irrelevant. So instead, we're replacing you with…

"POPPY PIPOPAPO!" Poppy!

"Why?" Both Midori and Ozpin asked.

 ** _BECAUSE I SAY SO!_**

Anyways, Ozpin, go ahead and invite me- I mean, Midori – Yeah… - To Beacon.

"Why? He hasn't shown me anything to prove he's ready and I had made Ruby a special exception."

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssse?

"I don't wanna go to Beacon!" Midori, the cowardly bitch son of Shinji Ikari apparently, cried.

"See! Even _he_ doesn't wanna go!"

But you're the wise mentor! Aren't you able to manipulate people into doing whatever you want?

"What?! No! I'm not that evil! What kind of perverse being convinced you that I would manipulate-"

Pyrrha in Volume 3.

"… Fuck you. Alright, Midori, you're going to Beacon."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

* * *

 **GLOMP!**

"CAN'T BREATHE!"

Don't cry about it, Midori, it's just Yang's Yangs. _Everyone_ loves Yang's Yangs.

"I'm gonna die!"

No, you won't, Midori. You're the self insert. Self inserts never die.

"But I got run over by a truck!"

That doesn't count, and you know it!

"Aaaah, jeez, Narrator, why me?"

B-because, Midori, you're my vessel! You're gonna have the life I never had! W-we're gonna go on so many adventures, Midori! You and me! And also your harem! But not Jaune and Sun! Fuck them! They're the bane of shippers everywhere! How dare they steal away my-I mean _your_ waifu!?

"Okay, take it easy! I think there's a sick guy barfing, I'm gonna go check up-"

N-no! He's going to fuck us all over! He's the reason Beacon falls! The sooner you kill him, the sooner you can add Pyrrha to the Peerage!

"W-W-WHAT!?" Midori shouted.

Yeah! You need to complete my- _your_ harem! You're the only one who can save Beacon, Midori! You're this world's last hope! N-nobody else is gonna do it! It's just you, Midori! Just you and me! You're not gonna beat the ten games and be a super doctor, Midori! Y-you're gonna make a harem that'll put Negi and Issei to shame! You're gonna make me proud, Midori! Remember, you're the only winner here! Welcome to Beacon, Midori, YEAH!

"So… Apparently your name is Midoriya?" Ruby asked.

"No! It's just Midori!"

"Midori?"

"Yeah!"

"Midoriya!" Yang replied.

"No!"

"So it's just Midori?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh! So it _is_ Midoriya!" Yang nodded.

"… Fine. I'm Midori…ya. What's the worst that can happen?"

* * *

"So… There's a Kamen Rider in this world." Roman lit a cigar, lighting up the dark warehouse where a shipment of Dust rested in the VTOL airship.

"Another one?" His boss, a foxy voiced woman with a long red dress, just smirked. "How boring. I've played this game _way_ too many times to keep track." She kissed a large, bulky purplish red Gashat with a yellow knob.

"Well, to be fair, we did this about a hundred and ten times by now. Maybe more if you count multi-crossovers." Roman blew smoke out of his mouth.

"Oh, shut up, who's even keeping track?" Cinder glared as she held up her free hand. Fire lit up as behind her were two monsters. One a green draconic looking monster, and the other a large rose man in a white and pink dress.

"Can you _stop_?" Roman glared

"Stop what?" Cinder smirked.

"Showing off random shit that gives off the implication that we have the Bugsters working for us or that you're a Kamen Rider as well." Roman said.

"Well, it's like that man said… Fate is like a puzzle."

"That does it! I'm out of here! I'm gonna go raid a few more dust shops." Roman ran out. Cinder just kept her coy grin and licked her lips as a boy wearing a black jacket and various wires around his body walked forward.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**

* * *

[Author's REAL Note: Okay, okay, if it isn't obvious by now, I am making a parody of a Kamen Rider/RWBY SI. None of this is serious. This is a crackfic.]


	2. MEETING NEW FRIENDS!

[Author's Note: {looks at guest reviews} … Okay, so _that_ happened. Anyways, to answer Galer's question, yeah. I'm pretty insane when it comes to writing crackfics. If you look at my profile, you'll see that this isn't my first crackfic genre parody. I had written a few more, such as Pooh's Adventures of Façade and Sleeping Blooper. I will say, though, this is probably the most cracky parody I have ever written.]

* * *

Midori was so excited to go to Beacon!

"No, I wasn't!"

Nobody asked you. And the fact that his childhood friend, Ruby Rose, was going with him-

"I barely know her!"

 _Nobody asked you._ Midori noticed Ruby was frowning.

"Um… You okay, Ruby?" Midori asked.

"… This is just too fast, you know? I mean, entering Beacon at the age of sixteen? People are gonna think I'm special or something."

Well, you _are_ the (supposed) protagonist, so, _spoiler alert_ , you're special. You'd think you'd note that when Ozpin marveled at your Silver Eyes.

"I thought he was legit hitting on me!" Ruby squealed like a piggy.

"Well, you're normal in _my_ books. I'm twenty-five and I've somehow gotten myself in Beacon as well." Midori said.

"Well, people will think you're special too." Ruby frowned.

"That's okay. I can be special with _you_." Aaaaaw…

"No, I mean as in they'll think you have special needs and were held back so many grades that by the time you've entered Beacon, you're five years older than everyone else." Ruby said. Ooooh.

"Hey, don't feel bad! If it makes you feel any better, I _love_ making puns and that's apparently a sign of brain damage!" There's a brief pause. "Seriously, look it up."

"… That just upsets me _more_. I'm gonna just walk away for a bit and hopefully come across an exposition dump." Midori said.

"Well, you're in RWBY. _Everything_ is an exposition dump. Even what I _say_ is an exposition dump." Yang said. Midori walked until he came across a TV screen.

"In other news, police are reporting numerous disappearances. Evidence points to Roman Torchwick being the prime cause of these strange cases of pixelating bodies." The chubby news reporter said.

"Wait, disappearances? Pixelating? Does that mean Game Disease exists in this world?" Midori muttered.

Well, it kinda had to be to justify why _you're_ able to use the Buggle Driver Drei.

"Wait, Drei? I thought it was Zwei."

Yeah, but one, there's already a character in this show called Zwei, and two, I said it was a new version of the Buggle Driver, so it's Drei.

"Ah, okay." Midori said.

"In other news, the Kemono Friends convention was interrupted by the White Fang-" Suddenly, the news feed cut out in favor of Poppy appearing on screen.

"POPPY PIPOPAPO! Literally no one cares about the Faunus subplot!"

"B-but I was kinda curious about that whole White Fang thing…" Midori frowned.

"NO ONE CARES! LET'S GO TO BEACON!"

* * *

Midori stepped foot onto the shining Beacon with Ruby and Yang. Ruby looked at all the cool weapons and began to gush about each of them while Midori just blinked. Ruby then went to Midori and looked with her sparkling eyes.

"I'm curious! What's _your_ weapon!" Ruby asked.

"Well… I have this." Midori then showed her the Bugvisor Drei. It was mostly black with a red chainsaw and two red blaster barrels on separate ends.

"… Wow, how boring." Ruby drooped her eyes and just stared at it.

W-What?! No! You should be excited over this! It's so freaking cool!

"It's just a Gameboy with a chainsaw attached to it. It's not revolutionary at all. I did that as a pet project at Signal. Seriously, step up, fam." Ruby then unveiled her Scythe.

"Wait, we're introducing our weapons _now_!?" Shouted Jaune Arc who we should ignore completely.

"Well, good to know you guys are becoming good friends. I'm gonna go hang out with these shadowy men that I'll never hang out with again despite me implying that they're friends of mine! BYYYYYYYE!" And with that, Yang left.

"Well… That happened." Midori said. Suddenly, a girl bumped into him.

"Do you freaking mind!? Gah! Stupid idiots." It was Weiss Schee, heiress to the Schee Dust Company. And she had decided to wave fire dust like a fucking idiot at Ruby, causing her to sneeze fire and burned Weiss alive. Wait, what?

Weiss was now a charred corpse… WHAT!? Wait until Volume 3 to do the grimderp shit, okay!? Screw it, Omega 13.

 **Thirteen Seconds Earlier…**

"Do you freaking mind!? Gah! Stupid idiots." It was Weiss Schee, heiress to the Schee Dust Company.

"Wow, you're a bitch." Midori said to Weiss.

But, you can't help but notice how beautiful she was…

"Dude, she very rude and I doubt she has any interests in me."

But she's going to warm up to you very soon after you do something chivalrous.

" _Why_ would I do that?" Weiss raised an eyebrow. "Plus, aren't you a little _old_ to be attending Beacon?"

"Actually, this is a community college." Suddenly, a tall, dark (but not actually black because this isn't Tumblr), and beautiful girl with a cute bow that somehow is able to hide cat ears walked into Midori's view. "As for the young girl, she seemed to have graduated Signal early." Blake said. Ruby just blinked.

"Aaah!" Ruby squeaked as Weiss just looked intensely at her, White Rose shippers readying their pencils to draw fanart of this scene.

" _Really_? They let a _kid_ into Beacon? I expected much more out of such a prestigious school!" Weiss pouted and looked away.

"H-hey! We didn't ask to go to Beacon!" Midori stomped his food down.

"W-well, I did…" Ruby meekly whispered.

"And just who are _you_?" Weiss stared.

"I'm apparently Ruby's friend and _as_ her new friend, I'm suddenly having the need to call you out." Midori said.

"Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you call me out in style?" With that, Weiss whipped out her rapier. Midori gulped. Before he could ready the Bugvisor, however, Poppy rushed in.

"NO FIGHTING, PIPOPAPO!" Poppy shouted.

"Ah, because we're on school grounds and are only permitted to spar in the arena, right?" Weiss asked.

"No, because a fight scene takes way too much effort to make!" Poppy explained.

"… Well, you win this round, but _I'll_ be back!" Weiss stomped away.

"… Ooookay…" Ruby then turned to Blake. "Thanks for-" But she ran. "Wow, rude." Get used to it, she'll be doing that a lot. Ruby sighed… "Welcome to Beacon." That's next season, hon.

Suddenly, a pussy ass motherfucker with short blonde hair and blue eyes approached Ruby. Midori suddenly felt the urge to murder his useless ass.

"Why!?"

Because he is encroaching on your woman!

"Ruby isn't my girlfriend though!"

 ** _SHE WILL BE!_**

"Um… Hey! Why don't we walk around a bit?" Ruby said. Nice save.

"O-okay." Midori agreed. The three began to walk around as Jaune introduced his weapon, a sword and shield.

"So yeah, grandad used it in the war. And I wanna be just like him." Jaune said. But don't believe him. He's not gonna put in the effort.

"So… Yeah." Ruby smiled.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GA-**

Wait, why the hell are we ending it here?

" _Because that's where the episode ends._ "

What the hell!? But it just ends so suddenly!

" _It's a two parter._ "

Okay, where's part two to this then?

" _It'll come out in a week._ "

WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**

* * *

[Author's Note: Seriously though, those two-part episodes in RWBY Volume 1 really killed the pacing and made me drop RWBY until I picked it back up during Volume 3]


	3. ZOMBIES CRASHED MY SLUMBER PARTY!

Midori, Ruby, and Literally Who arrived at Beacon's main hall where they find that Yang saved them a seat except for Literally Who.

"So, how was your walk?" Yang asked the two.

"Eeeeeeh." Midori shrugged.

"You wanna talk about it?" Yang asked.

"Yeah! Let me complain about this rude girl who just so coincidentally is behind me!" Ruby said as Weiss is coincidentally behind her.

"Sup." Weiss said to Ruby, who leaped up and shrieked.

"WAAAH~!" Ruby went onto Yang's arms Scooby-Doo style as Midori stood, ready to defend Ruby.

"Sorry, I have an obligation to defend Ruby like she's my property." Midori said.

"Hey! That's my job! Well, mostly it's my _dad's_ job, but after he shut down or buried himself in work or whatever the writers want him to do nowadays, it's _my_ job now!" Yang glared at Midori.

"Whatever, just keep that kid away from me." Weiss shot an icy cold glare at Midori.

"AHEM!" The group turned their attention to the old Headmaster who spoke into the microphone. The students waited for what he would say to kick off their year with the utmost anticipation. "You are all wastes of space," all the students dropped their jaws, " _especially_ you, Mr. Jaune Arc," Jaune gulped, "you think after eighty years of doing this, we wouldn't immediately wise up to people using fake transcripts?" All the students then glared at Jaune. "At this point, the only reason we're not sending you home at this very instant is because I want you to humor me. Tomorrow will be your entrance exams, so you will prove to me that you're worth attending Beacon. The rest goes to _all_ of you. If you can't handle this exam, then you might as well give up. The world is a harsh, unforgiving place. Ninety percent of the world is overrun with Grimm, and being a Huntsman requires you to fight them _daily_."

"Erm, Professor Ozpin," Ruby raised her arm, "we kinda attended this Academy for that very reason. To fight monsters."

"I know, but _some_ people _don't_." With that, Ozpin glared at Jaune. "Promise me something, okay? Don't get yourself killed. As much as it humors me to see you bite off more than you can chew, I already have _one_ vengeful relative of a dead freshman on my ass, I don't need another." Jaune began to tremble, which Midori took notice of. "Meeting adjourned. Awkwardly cut to the ballroom where you'll all have meaningful conversations."

* * *

Later that night, in the ballroom, Midori got into his pajamas, a simple black wife-beater and green shorts. There, he saw Yang on the other side looking at him and purring at him.

"… Um… Did the sister of my supposed friend just hit on me?" Yes, she did. _Embrace it_. "Erm, on second thought, maybe I'll go talk to that guy in the feetie pajamas." Feetie pajamas? What do you-

 ** _OH, FUCK NONONONONONONONONONONONONO! NO, YOU FUCKING DON'T!_**

"Hey, Jaune!" FUCKING USELESS ASS SELF-INSERT! "I couldn't help but overhear that old dude call you out."

"Well, he _did_ say it in front of everyone…" The dumb blonde who isn't even that cute looked away and blushed.

"I wanna ask… You _want_ to be a Huntsman?" Midori asked.

"… More than _anything_. I want to be a hero, just like my grandfather." Jaune said.

"Then…" Midori then took out his Bugvisor Drei. "Allow me to help."

"Wait a minute, you have a Gashacon weapon too!?" Jaune asked.

"Yeah, I do- Wait, what?" Yeah, what technically-me said!

"Oh man! When I got accepted into Beacon, I got _this_ as well! Think Ozpin is humoring me by giving me an edge." Jaune then took out a pink Gashat…

Wait.

What?

No!

"W-why do you have Mighty Action X!?" YEAH! WHAT TECHNICALLY-ME SAID!

"I dunno. I just do. Came with this weird game console thing but it only seems to work as some wonky belt buckle." Jaune pretty much admitting he's freaking Ex-Aid. Which makes no fucking sense and _I'm_ the dude writing it!

This was supposed to be a SI harem gacha game, _not_ another Jaunefic. Midori, tap into your inner Kuroto Dan and take away his illegal copy!

"What!? No! We're forming a bond here!" The only bond you're gonna form is… Erm… Bonding your fist to his face! Yeah! "I apologize for my Creator, he's a little… possessive of his property." Don't address me as someone that petty! "You're not my dad!" I technically am!

"Hey, um… Midori, are you okay?" Jaune asked.

"O-oh, yeah. I'm fine. Look, Jaune, you inexplicably having a Gashat and a Gamer Driver could _only_ mean bad news. You need the right equipment to use a Gamer Driver, which, if your story is _exactly_ like Emu's and if I know Kamen Rider SIs, that's likely the case, means that there's an evil version of _you_ running around. I mean, I _died_ the first time around because I didn't have the right stuff. Just… Promise me you'll fight with just your weapons. If you use the Gamer Driver… It'd be like you're cheating all over." Midori said. Jaune just looked at the Gashat, then nodded. Then suddenly everything went dark as Blake on the other side blew out her candlelight.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GA-**

W-what!? But there wasn't any actual fighting! No, fuck that!

Suddenly, students begin to scream as zombified Bugsters ran into the ballroom. In the center of the crowd was a large, bulky zombie with tons of cybernetic parts and even an armcannon. This was Adversary, the super-soldier experiment created by Mneg Pharmaceuticals, the villains from the game Dangerous Zombie.

"W-What!? WHY!? WHY ARE WE FIGHTING A MONSTER DURING OUR DOWNTIME!?" Midori asked.

BECAUSE WE NEED A GODDAMNED FIGHT IN THIS FANFIC AND BY GOD ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT!

"Ah fuck!" Midori said.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**

N-no! We're not done here! WE NEED A FIGHT, DAMN IT!


	4. WE'RE AT A LAUNCH PARTY!

"Oh man, that was a great battle last night!" Nora smiled as her childhood friend and definite lover, Ren, was waking up. "We beat up that zombie monster dude! Shame we still must do that entrance exam. I mean, we've proven ourselves! Everyone else either ran away or got killed."

"Yeah, but rules are rules," Ren sighed as he loaded his gun, "besides, there's still the matter of partnering up."

"Oh! Right! We need to make signals while we're in the woods!" Nora began to make sloth noises, as though mocking the fact that we just missed out on a cool and epic fight that would have been the debut of Jaune using the power of the Gashat.

That or I'm just pissed that we missed out a cool and epic fight. Well, we're in the locker room, so let's cut to Ruby and Yang.

* * *

"Man, that was some sick fight last night." Ruby grinned as she cuddled with her scythe.

"Yeah, you're becoming the talk of the college." Yang patted Ruby on the back.

"Mmmm…" Ruby then shut the locker.

"This is a _good_ thing, Ruby. With the way you fought, people will _definitely_ want to team up with you for this exam." Yang got some of her things out of the locker.

"But… I dunno. I don't like people dragging me down. _You're_ the only person I would consider teaming up with." Ruby frowned.

"Ruby, I'm not always gonna be around to help you. I may always have your back, but you're gonna have to prepare for when I might not be able to." Yang said.

"That's not gonna happen, though… Right?" Ruby just looked at Yang who gave her a soft smirk.

"I promise." Yang laughed and pulled Ruby into a hug. Daaaaw, well, let's focus on Jaune's scene now.

* * *

"Pyrrha, you were _amazing_." Weiss said as she readied her dust.

"Thanks, but the credit should go to those masked dudes last night." Pyrrha smiled.

"Yeah, but _you_ were able to shield the students and have them run away to safety." Weiss smiled back.

"But I wasn't the one who took down the monster. _That_ goes to-"

"Me! Jaune Arc, nice to meet you." Jaune suddenly slid in between Weiss and Pyrrha, offering his hand to the whitette… That's a word, right? Whitette?

"What? _You_? You got to be kidding me!" Weiss scoffed.

"I-it's true! Look! I have the Gashat and everything!" Jaune whipped out Mighty Action X. "See!? That's the dude I became!" He pointed to the small pink chibi mascot, Mighty, on the sticker.

"I believe him." Pyrrha said. Jaune cocked his head to Pyrrha.

"Yeah, sure," Jaune rolled his eyes before focusing on Weiss, "so anyways, you wanna join up?

"Uh, you _do_ realize you just brushed off Pyrrha Nikos, four-time champion of the Mistral Regionals and top graduate of Sanctum, right?" Weiss raised an eyebrow.

"… Who?" Jaune asked.

"The cover girl of Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes?" Weiss sighed.

"… HOLY SHOOT! THAT'S YOU!? OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH!" Jaune turned around and grabbed Pyrrha's hands, causing her to blush.

"Look, even if I were to believe you were one of those… Masked men… You said you were that pink chubby guy. The guy that just tripped and fell everywhere while that gold monster knight dude did all the work." Weiss said. Jaune just frowned and sighed, though Pyrrha placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Well, you still put in the effort to stop that monster," Pyrrha said, "so if I were to join a team, I can see if I'll join yours." Jaune then turned around.

"Well, spots are filling up, you in?" Jaune cocked a grin.

"Pyrrha! Get this guy off me!" Weiss shouted as Pyrrha lanced Jaune's hoodie. Alright, now let's focus on me- I mean, Midori.

* * *

"So, you mean to tell me that people get sick from a deadly virus that came from glitchy video games and that the only people who are able to beat them up use video game cartridges to become mascots to said games?" Blake asked.

"… Well, when you put it like that, it sounds silly…" Midori chuckled.

"Compared to all the other crap we had to put up with, though, I'm willing to believe it." Blake said.

"Oh! Good! Oh, I'm also from another world-"

" _That_ , however, I'm willing to call complete bullcrap for whatever arbitrary reason. I believe video game viruses can kill us faster than Grimm, but parallel universes? That's next grade science stuff." Blake said.

"Erm… Okay." Midori shrugged, not knowing why he is able to simply tell people he's from another world and not have chapters and chapters of angsting over that. "Not that I even care." Suddenly, the PA's went off.

" _IT'S TIME FOR THE PIPOPAPO EXAMINATION!"_ Poppy declared as Midori sighed.

"Well, on with the show." Midori got up and walked to the cliff.

* * *

Midori breathed in the fresh air as he stood on the cliff of Beacon that overlooked a large forest. He stood next to nineteen other people, some of whom he already acquainted with.

"In spite of last night's – ahem – _mishap_ , we will be going forward with the examination. There's enough people for this test. The object is to get to the center of the forest, grab a relic, then head back to the cliff. You will be graded based off your efforts," Ozpin cleared his throat, "however, _do_ try and not to get yourselves killed. Most people barely make the _landing_."

"Pipopapoor Gretchen…" Poppy faked a sad face, then looked at the group. "WELP! TIME TO FLY!" Everyone began to get onto the launch pads, including Jaune and Midori.

"Okay, this is gonna be a huge problem…" Jaune began to hyper ventilate.

"We fought a zombie monster last night. This is _literally_ a stroll in the woods!" Midori said.

"Oh, by the way, the forest is filled with deadly Grimm, so good luck with that," Ozpin smirked as Midori and Jaune both gulped, "and one more thing: the first person you make eye contact upon landing with will be your partner for the next four years."

"WELP!" Both Jaune and Midori said as the launchpads went off. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" They shouted as they got launched into the woods.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**


	5. I GOT A BIKE!

_"Lily?" A boy stumbled through the wrecked village. He saw dozens of corpses that laid before him. Civilians, bandits, even a few Grimm that have yet to disappear into smoke. With each body he saw, his heart rate went up. He got into a sprint. "LILY!" His call became desperate, his throat rasped as it begged him to calm down._

 _And calmed down he did when he saw her. She laid on the ground, a pool of blood beneath her. He knew it was her. Her pink hair, her now dirtied pink furred cape, her tiny stature, and her hat that the wind had carried to his feet._

 _"Lily…" His tears began to form… And then he saw her killer. He gripped his fists as he glared. The killer turned to face him as red flames spewed out of their eyes. " **WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER, YOU MONSTER!?** " He screamed as he charged at Lily's killer. _

* * *

" **Gah!** " The blue eyes of a yellow Honda CRF250L (basically a motorcycle) with a pink spiked mohawk lit up. The bike shook itself in the middle of a large forest. " **Uuugh… That dream again… What I wouldn't give to get off this place…** " That's when the bike saw a bunch of kids being flung from a cliff. " **Hmm… That maybe my ticket outta here…** "

* * *

 _{Instrumental}_

We cut to various mugshots of characters in the following order: Midori, Jaune, Laser, Cinder, Yang, Blake, Weiss, and Ruby. Each of them are colored differently: Midori is gold, Jaune is pink, Laser is yellow, Cinder is dark purple, Ruby is navy, Weiss is cyan, Blake is blue, and Yang is red. After the eight are shown, it shows the title:

 _GAME OF THROOOONES!_

 **THE ONLY WINNER HERE**

 _Between us…_

Masamune Dan smiles before he fades away into pixels as Midori stands behind him, holding the Buggle Driver Drei.

"Erm… What the hell's going on?" Midori spoke up.

 _{record needle scratch}_

What do you mean?

"What's with all the flashy visuals? And why are we using a fan song for Game of Thrones?" Midori asked.

It's our new OP! Every Rider fanfic has them!

"Um… Why? We're not an actual show." Midori said.

Yeah, but we can _pretend_ to be like an actual show. I mean, this pretty cool, right?

"Not really. I mean, yeah, it looks pretty and all that, but wouldn't it annoy the reader who must read this every time they want to read a new chapter? And wouldn't this get us in trouble with the folks who run given how they don't want song fics?" Midori speaks way to fucking much.

Fine! We won't do the opening! Happy now?

"Very. Now go back to-"

You falling to your death for being such a bitch?

"… Well sh-"

* * *

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT!" Midori plummeted to his doom because he isn't doing what I asked him to do and is going to pay the price for having a mind of his own.

 **VROOOM!**

Suddenly, out of the blue, a motorcycle went and grabbed Midori.

" **Sup!** " And it spoke!

"WHA! YOU TALKED!" Yeah, what I said.

" **Yep. I'm a bike. Ride me!** " It said, bobbing the front of itself back and forth.

"Um… Okay." And with that, Midori officially got himself his Rider Machine: Kamen Rider Lazer Bike Gamer Level 2.

"Jeez, that's a mouthful…" Midori said.

" **Eh, call me Laser.** "

But it's spelled… Oh fuck it. So Midori drives off with Laser…

* * *

"Gotta find Yang, gotta find Yang…"

Wait, why are we focusing on Ruby? We already know how her story goes. Go back to me- I mean Midori!

* * *

"Hey, um…" Dove approached his group of two pairs. Cardin insisted that his pair and another pair go together to better their chances. "I really hate to say this… I think there's someone hanging right there… Mmmm, I'm not even fucking kidding." Woah woah woah, a dead body subplot? And we're gonna see CRDL insensitively poke fun at the corpse? Okay, I wanna see where this goes! "Do you see it?" Dove asks Sky, who just as a shit-eating grin. "I'm not even kidding, this isn't a fucking joke guys!"

And so, Dove brings the three over to the hanging person.

"That's a fucking person!" And he points to…

Uuugh, it's just Jaune with Pyrrha's spear pinning his hoodie to the tree. He's not even dead guys… Can't believe a Logan Paul joke was made for this stupid scene. No, you know what? Screw it.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**

* * *

[Author's Note: So, the sillies have calmed down, with that Logan Paul joke being the only remnant of it. As you may have noticed from the beginning, I'm going to try and be a little more serious with this and give it _some_ drama… well, _actual_ drama, not that bullshit Bumblebee/Black Sun ship war.]


	6. 1000 DEGREE FOREST VS BAKUSOU BIKE!

So, are we going to see Midori next?

Nope. Appears we're seeing two new people instead. Like, literally whos. One of them is dark-skinned man with short brown hair and is wearing a fine white tuxedo while another is a fair-skinned lady with long blonde hair, though her hair seems to be matted while her outfit, a simple t-shirt and shorts, looked torn up and dirty.

"So, Ivory was it?" The dark-skinned person asked.

"Yeah, and you're Ebony?" Ivory asked back.

"Heh, it's kinda cruel fate that we're named this… _Especially_ since it seems that even the gods decided to pair us up together." Ebony said.

"So, if we're going to be partners, might as well tell me a bit about yourself." Ivory took out her weapon, a scalpel, and cut into a tree.

"Well, I'm the son of a famous doctor in Atlas." Ebony stretched his arms as Ivory continued to make markings.

"Funny that. Before Beacon, I worked with _my_ father helping at a medical facility in Menagerie." Ivory said.

"Heh, funny. We're both doctors." That's when Ebony heard some branches breaking. "Hold it…" Before Ivory can react, a Beowolf lunged forth at her. Ivory stabbed her scalpel into the Grimm, but it did nothing to critically wound it. Meanwhile, Ebony took out his weapon, a syringe molded into a pistol, and loaded a red vial on it. As the Beowolf tried to attack again, Ebony tackled the Grimm and held it down. He injected the red vial. "Ssssh, ssssh, it'll be over soon…" As he said that, the Beowolf suddenly caught fire and howled in pain. More Beowolves leaped out as Ivory took out tons of scalpels and threw them. Midair, they changed into throwing stars and impaled the Beowolves in the heads.

Suddenly, the two could hear tons of howling and moaning.

"Do you smell that?" Ebony asked…

* * *

OH THANK GOD WE'RE BACK TO MIDORI!

Midori drove through the forest on the motorcycle he just obtained.

"So… What's your name?" Midori asked.

" **You can call me Laser!** " As the bike said that, Midori looked down and saw a Gamer Driver, though as he inspected it, he noticed how the flap on the Gamer Driver seemed to be sliced off.

"Wait… you're a Kamen Rider!" Midori said.

" **Huh? Oh, yeah. Totally that. Kamen Rider Lazer!** " He said.

"… your name is the same as your Rider identity?" Midori asked.

" **What? No! Lazer with a Z. My name is with an S.** " Laser said.

"Uuuugh, this is gonna get confusing…" Midori said. That's when they heard the moaning. "W-wait… over there! Fire!" Midori pointed to flames breaking out of the forest. He gripped onto the handlebars and steered Laser towards the flaming forest.

" **W-what are you doing!?** " Laser asked.

"There might be people there! I have to go save them!" Midori said.

" **If there's anyone there, they might already be dead!** " Laser said.

"But if they are, then there's a chance I can save them!"

" **Why do you care so much about this!?** " Laser asked.

"Because that's what Kamen Riders do!" Midori charged right into the flames.

* * *

Unfortunately, our story is interrupted with…

Oh fuck no.

"Jaune, why didn't you activate your aura?" Pyrrha asked.

"My wut?" Jaune asked back.

"Aura. You know, the thing that manifests inside all living things? Something that literally every Huntsman, no, every _human being ever_ , would know about going into this?" Pyrrha asked back.

"… Well shi-"

And suddenly Jaune fucked up all RWBY continuity as fans scramble to figure out how the fuck a very commonplace piece of knowledge managed to be ignored by Jaune Arc. Theories range from his family being super strict on information flow to him being an outright dunce.

I know where _I'm_ putting my money on. So let's skip to when Pyrrha explains to Jaune about Aura.

"It's like a forcefield!" Jaune said.

"Yes… At least for now." Pyrrha said. Yeah, Volume 5's a bitch.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**


	7. IN A CAVE WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

"Pipapozpin! Look! All the students have found partners desu sugoi uguu~!" Poppy smiled as she looked at the scroll detailing many of the people forming bonds.

"Poppy, why do you insist on using those strange words at the end of your sentence?" Ozpin asked.

"Because, Ozpin-sama-kun-tachi, I'm Japanese and I need to address that Japan is the best language ever. Erm, I mean, daisuki ranguraju." Poppy said.

"Please stop. I'm a thousand year old man and even _that_ is archaic as fu-"

"Oh, and Jaune fucked up space and time by being a dumbass." Poppy pointed to when Jaune asked about Aura.

"Of course he did. Something tells me he'll be the indirect death of me." Ozpin facepalmed.

* * *

Okay, good, we're back to Midori and Laser. They drove right into a blazing inferno.

" **Jesus, kid! You wanna get us all killed?!** " Laser shouted. Uh… We should replace the word Jesus with something a little more lore friendly. How about Oum?

"Uh, that's not lore friendly. In fact, it's kinda the opposite of lore friendly. That's like if Kamen Riders worshipped Ishinomori as their God." Midori said. Well they should. Just like how you should refer to me as _your_ God. Remember, I'm the reason you're not burning alive right now. Now go and save your potential partners!

" **Wait, how do you know they'll be our partners?** " Laser asked. Well, because they're the only two other OCs in this story… " **Fair point.** " Midori looked around the forest to see anyone in need of saving… That's when he spotted Ebony and Ivory.

"Over here!" Ebony shouted to Midori. He drove over and grabbed both Ebony and Ivory.

" **H-hang on! I can't carry more than one person!** " Laser began to stumble and careen out of the way.

"Wait, did that bike just-" That's when they drove out of the fire and crashing right outside a cave.

" **Hey, look at that, a secret cave!** " Laser was on his side, wheels still spinning as the front portion of the bike bobbed over to the cave. Midori, Ivory, and Ebony were all fine thanks to their Aura. They dusted themselves off and entered the cave. Ebony looked over to see some etchings on the cave and noticed something.

It was a drawing of a biker driving right towards a person. The weird thing about the person was that its arms and legs dangled, almost zombie-like. Ivory noticed the drawing that came before it, a zombie fighting a samurai. Midori, meanwhile, saw the third image in this sequence. Two people, both fists right into the others' faces.

"The hell's this supposed to mean?" Ebony asked.

"Probably something deep and meaningful?" As Ivory walked deeper into the cave, that's when they saw a large glowing light heading their way. Midori glared at the light and noticed it wasn't truly a light…

It was the end of a stinger.

"Run!" Midori shouted and ran off with the others. He quickly picked up Laser and got on him. He drove off.

"Hey! What about us!" Ebony shouted as they got out of the cave. He growled and spat at the ground. Ivory couldn't help but notice, upon exiting the cave, that a large scorpion-like Grimm came out, holding a completely useless blonde by the stinger.

"This isn't the relic! THIS ISN'T THE RELIC!" The waste cried out as Pyrrha got out of the cave.

"Jaune, whatever you do, don't let-" And then Jaune lets go and he was flung into the sky. Pyrrha sighed and turned to Ebony and Ivory. "You mind helping me?" Pyrrha asked.

"Eh, got nothing better to do." Ivory shrugged and followed Pyrrha. Ebony turned back to the cave and noticed some stuff on the ground. He went over and looked. On the ground were two neon green Gamer Drivers and a bulky white Gashat. Ebony picked it up and smirked at how cute the two mascots, both a black and white chibi spiky haired creature wearing head mirrors. He couldn't help but think of how they fit him and Ivory. That's when he saw the title: **Doctor Mighty XX**.

 **SEE YOU NEXT GAME!**

I swear to God these short chapters are gonna be the death of me. Next one better be a long ass one.

" _As you wish…_ "


End file.
